little life lessons

Have you ever had a day when you realize how obsolete you've become in certain lives and at the same time have an epiphany of how important you are in other lives? That happened to me recently while at the wedding of a friend. It was a girl I had mentored and become friends with during my time at IWU as her RD/boss/friend. Almost my entire staff was part of the wedding party or attended the wedding. I consider these girls to be part of the most important years of my life, but I noticed that I don't seem to hold the same place in theirs. This is certainly no reflection of negative feelings toward any of these wonderful young women. I know that I am their friend and they love me. It is simply an observation that they have each other and I am not a part of the inner circle.

HOWEVER, I have a (much smaller) inner circle right here in my own home. I prefer dealing with college age girls, but one day these 3 little ones will be there and NOW is when I need to be setting the ground work for our relationship so that I can be an important part of their lives when they are in high school and college. They will have friends, but I hope they always come back to me with their real problems and needs.

Maybe, though, this is just a foreshadowing of things to come. I was the "mother" of the girls at IWU. They were "sisters". I guess it wouldn't be so bad if my girls loved me, but could rely on each other as best friends in their times of need. Only time will tell how our relationships will evolve. I'm just glad to have the chance to experience them in my life as much as I am grateful to have had the chance to know the girls from Shatford House.

the leaves are turning....continually

I'm turning over a new leaf and it's not even fall!! I am deciding that THIS IS MY LIFE and I need to deal with it. I need to not expect it to change in a moment. I need to "sit up, uncross my arms and act like the woman of God that I know I am". I am generally a frustrated mom, but WHY? Nothing will change with my frustration or yelling or anything else. When I deal with my children in a appropriate manner...meaning appropriate punishment, voice volume, smile on my face, etc....they respond so much better. Plus, I'm not teaching them bad habits when I'm acting like a grown-up.

This morning my friend Danielle came up to the house with her 3 young boys. Tyrus is 3, Teddy is 2, and Denton is 1 month. She has her hands full. She has BOYS!! I have girls. How much easier should my life be than hers?! And she's so patient and loving to them. I'm sure she'll tell you she has her moments, but she's a great mom. I look at her and I cut her a lot of slack (not that she needs it) that I don't give myself (or my kids). So, I'm going to view my life differently....I'm a mom. of 3. soon to be 4. and I need to stop being a baby and deal with it. I need to be the mom that I WANT to be because it's not just going to magically happen.

smiles

We're happy. In just a few short days James will start his new day job. It's been a long 9 months since we found out that we would be dealing with this chaos. I still remember the moment when James got off the phone and told me. I had only been home with Miriam for a week after the delivery and I sat down on the couch and cried. I knew it would be difficult. It has. It's been more difficult that I imagined. I thought I was stronger. I wanted to THRIVE, but all I did was SURVIVE. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm glad I at least survived, but I lost a lot of confidence in myself as a mom, a wife, and a daughter of God. My marriage is strong. My children love me. And my God is faithful even when I am not. For those things I am grateful. And for those reasons I will smile. And on Monday, June 7th, James will clock in at a much smaller facility, working for a man who attends our church and is flexible regarding the shift James will work. 6am-2pm is our choice. Also, this facility is going nowhere. In this economy there are always rumors about facilities shutting down and jobs being lost, but the place James will be working has some pretty reliable job security. All other Corning facilities rely on the product made at this particular place. It's a job he could (and probably WILL) have for the next 20 or 30 years and quite possibly will retire from. Of course, life is life and things happen, but for now we are happy with the possibility/probability of job security. And definitely happily looking forward to evenings and weekends with the most important man in our lives.

This is for Aunt Rachel.....

This was the surprise I saw in January. Yep....JANUARY. And that means I'm due in October. And that means my little ones will be 14 months apart. And that means this wasn't planned by us. God has a wonderful sense of humor, doesn't He?

We are excited about this baby, and also a bit nervous. I know I'm going to get the stares, the comments, and the "tsk-tsks" (i think the stares have already started). I'm trying to prepare myself for that. I'm trying to remember that GOD ORDAINED THIS LITTLE ONE and no matter what people say or do, nothing will change my love for ALL of my children or my desire for them.

If I can ever figure out how my scanner works I will post a picture of the ultrasound. In the meantime you can be entertained by the "you're crazy" comments on FB. enjoy!

am i just being selfish?

My ideal Mother's Day does not include snow. or my husband working all day. or disobedient children. or sore throats for mommy. or runny noses/ear infections for babies. or laundry. or dirty kitchens in need of order. or whiney children. or snow. (oh, i mentioned that already, did I?)

My ideal Mother's Day would include a beautiful sun-filled morning. sleeping-in past my children. breakfast in bed with coffee, eggs, and bacon. a relaxing shower. church. a picnic lunch that I didn't prepare. naptime for the kiddos. flowers and a card with a note from my husband about how great of a mom I am. handmade cards by my children saying they love me. a nice dinner at home since every restaurant in town is mobbed with mommies. and an evening of spending time with my children and husband. bedtime. then a special chocolate dessert with a glass of sparkling grape juice (since I don't drink). and, finally, a good night's sleep.

I have expectations. My family thinks I'm difficult to please, but really I just want a little thought and preparation put into the day. There are 2 days of the year that I expect to be ALL ABOUT ME: my birthday and Mother's Day.

I know the value in celebrating my mom for all she has done in the past and all she does for me today. She is willing to watch my girls at the drop of a hat so I can have a break. And sometimes she doesn't even have to be asked, so just offers. I love that! But, her days of strictly being a mom are done. She is a grandma, a secretary, a wife, a friend, but her role as mom is not her primary role anymore. I went to the Mother-Daughter Banquet at her church with her on Friday evening. It was great to spend that time with her, but I don't plan to see her ON Mother's day.

I feel selfish about this every year, but I know she understands. My PRIMARY ROLE IS LIFE right now is to be a mom. That role consumes me 365 days a year. I am responsible. Is it too much to ask that TODAY be a celebration of my mommy-ness?

This blog is NOT a priority

Did you figure that out yet? seriously? you couldn't tell? well, let me just wait another 3 months before posting and maybe you'll get it.

oh boy!! i wish i had things to write about. actually, I wish i had the words and time to write about them. I could tell you daily about my beautiful little girls and the silly things they do or say. I could go into detail on their personalities. I'm trying to analyze them daily and find trends in their attitudes and activities. It's a fun hobby.

I'm trying to accept that SOMEDAY Corning will actually get around to hiring an electrician. They are in need of at least 4 currently. It feels like this job situation will last forever, but it won't. (but now it's the weekend so we won't be finding out anything).

I could tell you about our adventures in kitchen remodel....and we haven't even removed a nail. ok...since you're begging to find out I'll fill you in on a bit. we've been going to different kitchen and bath design companies and having people come measure our home. They, then, come up with a floor plan design and estimated cost based on bare-bones information I've given them about what i'm looking for.

The first place we went was a local building company, like Lowes or Home Depot, but privately owned. He came, he measured, he designed. He annoyed me. I told him some of the features that I want in my kitchen and he tried talking me out of spending my money. huh? yep...you read that right...rather than try to SELL me a kitchen, he tried to convince me that I should cut corners and do things that I didn't want. We got his computer-generated design by email and it showed features that I DID NOT WANT. He suggested putting cabinets over my desired breakfast bar....even though they would be high and wouldn't interfere with conversation, I just don't want anything except pendant lights hanging from the ceiling in that space. (IWU friends...do you remember the cabinets in my Shatford Apt that blocked the view into the kitchen?) Needless to say, we won't be asking him for any more help.

Next, we had a company that does the design and build (meaning they have their own workers, including carpenters, electricians and plumbers that actual do the work in my home) come measure. I really liked the lady that did the measuring and would be doing the design part as well. She seemed very competent. She asked about our budget when James called and he told her that we wanted her to design our dream kitchen and then we would decide what is important and what's not, based on the estimate. She was wonderful...not down-selling or upselling...just listening and taking notes. We met with her recently and talked about her ideas/floorplan and the estimate. There were a few things I preferred to be a slight bit different about her design and she is reworking the drawings and will meet with us again. It was a lot of fun to look at cabinet colors and hardware options and talk about countertops and cabinet features. Overall, we've had the best experience with her company. The down-side is that they are probably the most expensive b/c of their comprehensive services, which is definitely a bonus to me....not dealing with seperate contractors and subcontractors schedules and personalities. i would be dealing with this lady...she would be at my house a few times a week to answer questions and oversee the entire remodel. (i'm LOVING that idea....I deal with her, she deals with everyone else.)

We stopped into a 3rd place (prior to meeting with place #2) that does design and works with a contractor that we would have to hire. (I think that's how it works...it wasn't clear to me.) We walked into their showroom and were ignored for a long while. Appearantly there is only one person working behind the desk and a customer already had her attention. I was a bit surprised that she didn't even acknowledge us by saying that she would be "right with us" or something, though. And even when she did speak with us, she seemed disinterested until she asked our budget...James hemmed and hawed and I spoke up and told her an amount that is on the HIGH side of our desires, but she IMMEDIATELY perked up and gave us her full attention. How obnoxious!!! They came out to the house to measure, but I will probably tend away from that company. James is going to try to meet with them to see their ideas and estimate sometime next week, but I won't be going b/c of lack of childcare...not that I'm heartbroken or anything.

There was a 4th place that does design and build that we visited a few weeks ago. The owners were leaving that day for Florida for vacation and one of their mothers was watching the store. She didn't seem very knowledgable, but assured us that her daughter would call us when they returned from vacation. They called. about 3 weeks later. The mom told us they were going to be gone a week. They will come measure this week....maybe....if I give them the time of day and allow them into my home.

I was wanting an adventure...well, here's one for me. I'll definitely post pictures of the before, during and after. Don't look for them any time soon though b/c this remodel isn't happening until summertime. we want it finished before Sept. 1, 2010.

i'm in need of an adventure...

I know. I know. I have children and they're an adventure in themselves. That's true when looking at the big picture, but day-to-day gets pretty boring. It feels like the days are neverending and there's no adventure in that. I haven't had a real vacation since my honeymoon and James was sick that whole week. I've spent the last 4 years pregnant and raising small children. I'm not complaining. I chose this life and I love my girlies, but I'm ready to DO something and since James doesn't have much vacation time (again...NOT complaining) I think I will have to find the adventure on my own. We have some weddings coming up...Dave will be getting married this summer in Tennessee. Sarah will get married in Green Bay in July, but I'm not sure I can wait that long....we'll see what I figure out. I'm looking at flights to Kansas City, Missouri, in May to visit Jane. It would be me and the girls (yikes!) flying from here to there with (hopefully) only one stop. We would be able to visit the Omaha Zoo and my good friend Kelly Mancuso. I'll let you know how that pans out. James also wants to take a long weekend to go to Virginia to visit friends and eat some good food. yummmm.... Who else has some ideas for me?

my little La-ti-da

My middle little one is 2. It's amazing to me that I have a daughter as sweet and loving and, at the same time, mischievous and teasing as Lydia. She has so much of her father in her. I love that she was my "easy" delivery. I was pleasantly surprised to find that she was such an easy baby as well. She learned quickly to sleep on her own and was content to watch Catie play. Since she was so laid back I was surprised when she began to crawl at 7 months and walk at 10 months. She took a bit longer to do other things. She has only recently (in the past 3 months) learned the joy of talking in complete thoughts. It took her a bit longer than Catie, but she's making up for lost time. Her little "ah-lah-lu, mommy", translated "I love you, mommy", is one of the sweetest sounds I hear in my day. She is a great snuggler even though she refused to give a hug until Miriam was born. She is a great big sister and loves to "help" with "me'am-me'am-me'am". She is ticklish in so many spots, but my favorite is her neck. Her giggle is so loud and addicting that I just HAVE to keep tickling her. She loves carrying dolls around the house. She also has a blanket that I can't get away from her at bedtime. I'm hoping that thing NEVER gets ruined b/c I don't think i could find a replacement. One of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life was the first time she saw Scrat on the television. That's the little rat/squirrel character from Ice Age. I wish I had that moment on video. My little Lydia ADORES that thing and laughs and bounces around the house giggling when he's on the screen. Oh, how I love that beautiful personality-filled redhead. She brings so much joy to our days and so much love to our family.

Lydia, you are so special to me. I pray that as you grow, your little mischievous personality is used as a tool for the Lord. I promise to expect the best from you, knowing that God has you in the palm of His hands. You are thoroughly beautiful.

Lydia's birthday breakfast: donuts from Crystal City Bakery. yumm....

There are so many things about my Lydia that are special and I can't wait to keep finding them.

Birthday dessert at lunch: Mini PB cups.

She bring so much joy and chaos to our lives.

Tinkerbell was the theme of her gathering. She successfully blew out all her candles. :)

2 months? really?

I should apologize. But I won't. These past 2 months have been crazy and chaotic. Most of the stress has been related to James' job situation. Other stress has been child-related. If you've been around on facebook in the past month you might remember a status about this being the most stressed I have ever been. And I don't say that lightly. Andrew's death was stressful, but there was no choice about my direction. Follow God or give up on life. duh..i followed God. I KNEW He wasn't going to just leave me. Well, this past month has seemed to be a greater test of my faith than that. James had some coworkers complain about him being late to work. The time clock showed factual evidence that this was not so, but his boss is a pushover and wrote him up anyway...i guess his coworkers expect him there 30 or 40 minutes (if not more) early. He gets there 10 minutes early as it is. He's not paid to be there any earlier. In addition, someone also claimed they saw him sleeping in his car on night shift. There was no proof that he did this and I believe my husband when he says that it didn't happen. (Seriously...he CAN'T lie. When he does, his face gets a weird smirking smile on it that is a dead give-away to a lie.) He says that he was in his car one night b/c the huge factory was freezing and he wanted to warm up and was probably talking to me. He was written up for this as well even without proof from the individual b/c it was a "salaried" person, he was told. I guess their word carries more weight or something...like they're gods. We were told that these 2 incidents could affect his transfer and might prevent him from leaving his current position for a year. A YEAR. So at that point...instead of waiting for someone to be hired we were waiting for a decision to be made that would effect the rest of our lives. (Since a year in this current job was NOT happening...he can find a different job and would no longer be working for Corning, Inc.)

During those 2 weeks I felt pretty hopeless. I tried to tell myself that God was still in control. He had given James the new job to transfer to in spite of the fact that he didn't have much seniority, so He wasn't going to drop the ball. God finishes what He starts, right?

I wanted to FEEL that God was working things out instead of just having to THINK it. I'm a thinker...normally, thinking/knowing is enough, but for some reason I wanted to have that feeling of peace given to me unexplainably. It was rough that I couldn't get there on my own. I felt like I was fighting against myself to trust. Ugh!! I hate my lack of faith.

After 2 weeks, we got word that his transfer would go through. His boss and the union stood up for him. We appreciate that. I feel like I can breathe again. I feel like I can thank God again. Now we are back to waiting for an electrician to be hired so James can get back on a schedule that works for our family. Please pray that it happens soon. We have heard some good news...sortof. None of it is official. We probably won't hear anything official until the person starts and then James will have 2 weeks left while that person trains on Day shift before he can leave. This has been a long 6 months. We are all ready for some routine.

We are looking forward to having evenings, Saturdays, Sundays, and nighttime together. Seriously....these things should not be taken for granted.

homeschooling

I love to watch the little personalities of my girl emerge as they grow up. And, while Miriam is still unknown, the big girls have been showing me glimpses of the wonderful young ladies God has created them to be.

Lydia is a bit mischievous, but can entertain herself when needed. She is extremely careful with books and NONE of the books she touches get ripped or hurt while in her care. She enjoys following her big sister around and playing alongside her, but usually does it with her own flare. Television is unimportant in her life after about 30 minutes. She loves to put her shoes on, but will often be found with only the left. She is stubborn and would prefer the discipline over giving in and obeying most days. Although, when I ask if she would prefer hugs or spankings she is quick to come get hugs and go do whatever it is I had asked in the first place. She is sweet and quiet and helps to care for her baby sister when they are in the nursery at chuch.

Catie is sweet and caring and tries to please. She loves to see her friends and is frequently asking about different ones and whether we will see them soon. When she plays with her cousin, Ross, she works so hard to keep up with him even though he is more than 2 years older. And when she gets hurt while playing with him she winces and moves on. She is tough and tender-hearted at the same time. When mommy is crying, she notices and asks what's wrong. She is also the go-to girl in Sunday School when another child needs a friend. She is not shy and, when asked to play with a sad child, she is quick to respond and make a new friend. She feels sad when a friend doesn't want to play with her, but will run and laugh with Tyrus for hours and brag about how he can't catch her. She takes good care of her baby sisters and is a good helper for mommy. She sets the table, takes care of the dog, helps with carrying wood, but she can't find her slippers when they are directly in front of her. She could watch television for HOURS and thrives on one-0n-one time with mommy or daddy.

"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." These are the "ways" my children should go. In my discipline and encouragement these are the things I need to keep in mind for each of them. What a great God we serve who can create such intricate, beautiful and precious personalities. It is my job to educate myself on them; to take regular notes and be aware of their special needs so that when test time comes I can be prepared.

my favorite recipe

Grilled Chicken with Greek Flavors

The only way to mess this up is to over-cook it or under-cook it. Seriously. It has SO many great flavors. I think I need to visit Greece.

an angel of encouragement

I encountered an angel last evening. Aren't angels sent from God to encourage us? If so, then it was an angel. We were headed down to Sam's Club and a few other stores and needed to get dinner ahead of time. We had decided to go to a mexican restaurant on what is called "The Miracle Mile". (No clue why it's called that. It doesn't appear very miraculous to me.) Anyway, at the last minute we remembered a restaurant that we hadn't been to in a long time called Bernie Murray's. (If that restaurant was on the Miracle Mile, this story would be a bit more interesting, but it's not.) They have some great wings and a fabulous Antipasto salad.

We tried to enjoy our meal while helping the girls eat and trying to keep their sounds to a dull roar. It's always stressful, as any mom would know, to keep their children controlled in a restaurant that is not child-specific. Between Catie asking to get down when she is done eating (which we do NOT allow), to Lydia refusing to use words to ask for ANYTHING, to Miriam needing to occupied and dropping her toys every few seconds it's difficult to keep that sound down. I fear we interrupt the meals of those around us more often than I would like.

Toward the end of our meal a couple who had been eating at a nearby table got up to leave. As they walked past our table the husband spoke to us and said that our children were very well behaved. The wife commented that they are always a bit scared when they enter a restaurant and see small children, but ours were very good. This compliment was punctuated by the fact that we were there before them. I thanked them for telling us.

It meant a lot to me in light of the week I've had.

Then after James came back from taking the girls to the restroom to wash their hands another gentleman spoke to him and said he is a good father.

Angels. All of them.

If you want to be an angel, make a point of complimenting someone on the behavior of their children. It will make their day.

days off vs. time off.

I have been complaining that I don't get time off. I know, I know...I chose this life. Being a stay at home mom is the hardest thing I've ever done, and since most of you who read this are mom's and many of you stay at home, you understand what I'm talking about. I feel blessed to be able to do this, but there have been times when I would rather go to work OUTSIDE the home. Then I remind myself that what I am doing has eternal value. Plus, how would I get anything done if I'm away from home for 8+ hours of the day. There would still be dishes, laundry, cleaning, playing, meals, etc., etc.

James just got done with 3 days off. This new schedule doesn't give him many days off so it was a blessing to have, but I got grumpy at the beginning of the weekend and began complaining that I don't get time off. (and forget about getting a day or a weekend off.) There was no end in sight to my days of work...that's discouraging.

My perspective is ALL wrong though. I say that I view our marriage as a team effort, but I don't see him as part of the team. Even when he is home I consider the girls my responsibility. I consider the cleaning my responsibility. I consider everything MY responsibility. This isn't right. He reminded me that when he is gone the house and everything in it is 100% mine to care for, but when he is home, I get a bit of a break....I don't have to do EVERYTHING on my own. We are a team and he is here to help wherever he can. And he does, but the problem has been in my own head.

So, I'm turning over a new leaf. It may not be a New Year's resolution, but it's a change. When he is home I won't allow myself to try to do everything. I will rely on him more to occupy the girls while I do dishes. Or to pick up Miriam when she is fussing, so I can finish folding laundry. My time off happens when they are sleeping and I will use that time more wisely so that I can handle the rest of life when they are awake.

This is life and I better just get used to it or I'm going to be miserable for a very long time.

teaser pics

I don't have a whole lot of time on my hands right now. It might have something to do with the 3 little girls that won't stop calling me "Mommy". :-) But I wanted to give you a small taste of our

Christmas happenings, so here are a few cute pictures.

We went to Mima and Papa's house on Christmas Eve to exchange gifts with the Brewster family, but first the kids had to go sledding with Papa. Catie was the only child who didn't end up in the creek and Lydia was the only one who responded with hysteria. I don't know how far in the icy water she got since I was indoors and my dad couldn't give a straight answer, but she is fine. Although, she refuses to go sledding again.

I love (LOVE) The Children's Place store, which is where I got these adorable outfits for the girls Christmas dresses. This picture was used as our Christmas mailing. If you need a picture of my girls and weren't on our list of recipients just let me know. Everyone should have one of these pictures in their home. :-)

Pictures are difficult. Lydia does NOT enjoy them and the whole experience ends with me yelling "SMILE!!" at them while they stand crying or stunned or both. haha. I hope I'm not the only mom who is so adamant about getting the perfect picture that I end up making my children miserable in the process. It didn't help the situation that all the girls wanted was the gross gingerbread house candy and we kept having to say "no" b/c we were putting it on the house. Why do I torture myself with trying to do a gingerbread house with small children?

And just b/c you've made it this far I thought I'd include a picture of my sister Aaron with Miriam. My girls ADORE their "en-en".