is there anybody out there?

July? JULY?!

How did this happen?

Is it even worth posting again? you tell me.

little life lessons

Have you ever had a day when you realize how obsolete you've become in certain lives and at the same time have an epiphany of how important you are in other lives? That happened to me recently while at the wedding of a friend. It was a girl I had mentored and become friends with during my time at IWU as her RD/boss/friend. Almost my entire staff was part of the wedding party or attended the wedding. I consider these girls to be part of the most important years of my life, but I noticed that I don't seem to hold the same place in theirs. This is certainly no reflection of negative feelings toward any of these wonderful young women. I know that I am their friend and they love me. It is simply an observation that they have each other and I am not a part of the inner circle.

HOWEVER, I have a (much smaller) inner circle right here in my own home. I prefer dealing with college age girls, but one day these 3 little ones will be there and NOW is when I need to be setting the ground work for our relationship so that I can be an important part of their lives when they are in high school and college. They will have friends, but I hope they always come back to me with their real problems and needs.

Maybe, though, this is just a foreshadowing of things to come. I was the "mother" of the girls at IWU. They were "sisters". I guess it wouldn't be so bad if my girls loved me, but could rely on each other as best friends in their times of need. Only time will tell how our relationships will evolve. I'm just glad to have the chance to experience them in my life as much as I am grateful to have had the chance to know the girls from Shatford House.

the leaves are turning....continually

I'm turning over a new leaf and it's not even fall!! I am deciding that THIS IS MY LIFE and I need to deal with it. I need to not expect it to change in a moment. I need to "sit up, uncross my arms and act like the woman of God that I know I am". I am generally a frustrated mom, but WHY? Nothing will change with my frustration or yelling or anything else. When I deal with my children in a appropriate manner...meaning appropriate punishment, voice volume, smile on my face, etc....they respond so much better. Plus, I'm not teaching them bad habits when I'm acting like a grown-up.

This morning my friend Danielle came up to the house with her 3 young boys. Tyrus is 3, Teddy is 2, and Denton is 1 month. She has her hands full. She has BOYS!! I have girls. How much easier should my life be than hers?! And she's so patient and loving to them. I'm sure she'll tell you she has her moments, but she's a great mom. I look at her and I cut her a lot of slack (not that she needs it) that I don't give myself (or my kids). So, I'm going to view my life differently....I'm a mom. of 3. soon to be 4. and I need to stop being a baby and deal with it. I need to be the mom that I WANT to be because it's not just going to magically happen.

smiles

We're happy. In just a few short days James will start his new day job. It's been a long 9 months since we found out that we would be dealing with this chaos. I still remember the moment when James got off the phone and told me. I had only been home with Miriam for a week after the delivery and I sat down on the couch and cried. I knew it would be difficult. It has. It's been more difficult that I imagined. I thought I was stronger. I wanted to THRIVE, but all I did was SURVIVE. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm glad I at least survived, but I lost a lot of confidence in myself as a mom, a wife, and a daughter of God. My marriage is strong. My children love me. And my God is faithful even when I am not. For those things I am grateful. And for those reasons I will smile. And on Monday, June 7th, James will clock in at a much smaller facility, working for a man who attends our church and is flexible regarding the shift James will work. 6am-2pm is our choice. Also, this facility is going nowhere. In this economy there are always rumors about facilities shutting down and jobs being lost, but the place James will be working has some pretty reliable job security. All other Corning facilities rely on the product made at this particular place. It's a job he could (and probably WILL) have for the next 20 or 30 years and quite possibly will retire from. Of course, life is life and things happen, but for now we are happy with the possibility/probability of job security. And definitely happily looking forward to evenings and weekends with the most important man in our lives.

This is for Aunt Rachel.....

This was the surprise I saw in January. Yep....JANUARY. And that means I'm due in October. And that means my little ones will be 14 months apart. And that means this wasn't planned by us. God has a wonderful sense of humor, doesn't He?

We are excited about this baby, and also a bit nervous. I know I'm going to get the stares, the comments, and the "tsk-tsks" (i think the stares have already started). I'm trying to prepare myself for that. I'm trying to remember that GOD ORDAINED THIS LITTLE ONE and no matter what people say or do, nothing will change my love for ALL of my children or my desire for them.

If I can ever figure out how my scanner works I will post a picture of the ultrasound. In the meantime you can be entertained by the "you're crazy" comments on FB. enjoy!

am i just being selfish?

My ideal Mother's Day does not include snow. or my husband working all day. or disobedient children. or sore throats for mommy. or runny noses/ear infections for babies. or laundry. or dirty kitchens in need of order. or whiney children. or snow. (oh, i mentioned that already, did I?)

My ideal Mother's Day would include a beautiful sun-filled morning. sleeping-in past my children. breakfast in bed with coffee, eggs, and bacon. a relaxing shower. church. a picnic lunch that I didn't prepare. naptime for the kiddos. flowers and a card with a note from my husband about how great of a mom I am. handmade cards by my children saying they love me. a nice dinner at home since every restaurant in town is mobbed with mommies. and an evening of spending time with my children and husband. bedtime. then a special chocolate dessert with a glass of sparkling grape juice (since I don't drink). and, finally, a good night's sleep.

I have expectations. My family thinks I'm difficult to please, but really I just want a little thought and preparation put into the day. There are 2 days of the year that I expect to be ALL ABOUT ME: my birthday and Mother's Day.

I know the value in celebrating my mom for all she has done in the past and all she does for me today. She is willing to watch my girls at the drop of a hat so I can have a break. And sometimes she doesn't even have to be asked, so just offers. I love that! But, her days of strictly being a mom are done. She is a grandma, a secretary, a wife, a friend, but her role as mom is not her primary role anymore. I went to the Mother-Daughter Banquet at her church with her on Friday evening. It was great to spend that time with her, but I don't plan to see her ON Mother's day.

I feel selfish about this every year, but I know she understands. My PRIMARY ROLE IS LIFE right now is to be a mom. That role consumes me 365 days a year. I am responsible. Is it too much to ask that TODAY be a celebration of my mommy-ness?

This blog is NOT a priority

Did you figure that out yet? seriously? you couldn't tell? well, let me just wait another 3 months before posting and maybe you'll get it.

oh boy!! i wish i had things to write about. actually, I wish i had the words and time to write about them. I could tell you daily about my beautiful little girls and the silly things they do or say. I could go into detail on their personalities. I'm trying to analyze them daily and find trends in their attitudes and activities. It's a fun hobby.

I'm trying to accept that SOMEDAY Corning will actually get around to hiring an electrician. They are in need of at least 4 currently. It feels like this job situation will last forever, but it won't. (but now it's the weekend so we won't be finding out anything).

I could tell you about our adventures in kitchen remodel....and we haven't even removed a nail. ok...since you're begging to find out I'll fill you in on a bit. we've been going to different kitchen and bath design companies and having people come measure our home. They, then, come up with a floor plan design and estimated cost based on bare-bones information I've given them about what i'm looking for.

The first place we went was a local building company, like Lowes or Home Depot, but privately owned. He came, he measured, he designed. He annoyed me. I told him some of the features that I want in my kitchen and he tried talking me out of spending my money. huh? yep...you read that right...rather than try to SELL me a kitchen, he tried to convince me that I should cut corners and do things that I didn't want. We got his computer-generated design by email and it showed features that I DID NOT WANT. He suggested putting cabinets over my desired breakfast bar....even though they would be high and wouldn't interfere with conversation, I just don't want anything except pendant lights hanging from the ceiling in that space. (IWU friends...do you remember the cabinets in my Shatford Apt that blocked the view into the kitchen?) Needless to say, we won't be asking him for any more help.

Next, we had a company that does the design and build (meaning they have their own workers, including carpenters, electricians and plumbers that actual do the work in my home) come measure. I really liked the lady that did the measuring and would be doing the design part as well. She seemed very competent. She asked about our budget when James called and he told her that we wanted her to design our dream kitchen and then we would decide what is important and what's not, based on the estimate. She was wonderful...not down-selling or upselling...just listening and taking notes. We met with her recently and talked about her ideas/floorplan and the estimate. There were a few things I preferred to be a slight bit different about her design and she is reworking the drawings and will meet with us again. It was a lot of fun to look at cabinet colors and hardware options and talk about countertops and cabinet features. Overall, we've had the best experience with her company. The down-side is that they are probably the most expensive b/c of their comprehensive services, which is definitely a bonus to me....not dealing with seperate contractors and subcontractors schedules and personalities. i would be dealing with this lady...she would be at my house a few times a week to answer questions and oversee the entire remodel. (i'm LOVING that idea....I deal with her, she deals with everyone else.)

We stopped into a 3rd place (prior to meeting with place #2) that does design and works with a contractor that we would have to hire. (I think that's how it works...it wasn't clear to me.) We walked into their showroom and were ignored for a long while. Appearantly there is only one person working behind the desk and a customer already had her attention. I was a bit surprised that she didn't even acknowledge us by saying that she would be "right with us" or something, though. And even when she did speak with us, she seemed disinterested until she asked our budget...James hemmed and hawed and I spoke up and told her an amount that is on the HIGH side of our desires, but she IMMEDIATELY perked up and gave us her full attention. How obnoxious!!! They came out to the house to measure, but I will probably tend away from that company. James is going to try to meet with them to see their ideas and estimate sometime next week, but I won't be going b/c of lack of childcare...not that I'm heartbroken or anything.

There was a 4th place that does design and build that we visited a few weeks ago. The owners were leaving that day for Florida for vacation and one of their mothers was watching the store. She didn't seem very knowledgable, but assured us that her daughter would call us when they returned from vacation. They called. about 3 weeks later. The mom told us they were going to be gone a week. They will come measure this week....maybe....if I give them the time of day and allow them into my home.

I was wanting an adventure...well, here's one for me. I'll definitely post pictures of the before, during and after. Don't look for them any time soon though b/c this remodel isn't happening until summertime. we want it finished before Sept. 1, 2010.