what kind of mom are you?

I'm going to type an excerpt from a book, but I don't exactly know how to cite it. It's from the book "Real Moms, Exploding the Myths of Motherhood" by Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall. I hope that's good enough to not get me into trouble for plagerism.



"I have this theory. There are three kinds of women. There's the woman who has always known (like, from birth) that she has wanted to be a mother, and she is fantastic at it, thriving in this role. (In fact, for her, it's not a role; it is who she is to the core.) On the other end of the spectrum is the woman who (also, almost from birth) has always known that she did NOT want to be a mother, and she finds her womanly fulfillment in a myriad of other ways throughout her life. Then there's the other one in the middle somewhere, the one who wants to be a mom but is the kind that does not automatically love all children. (She loves hers completely and cares infinitely for the children of her friends and extended family, but that's about the extent of it.) For her, mothering is amazing but isn't necessarily the defining factor in her life. I have always candidly believed I have fallen into the middle category. I love my kids, but this mothering thing sort of rubs me the wrong way sometimes. Requiring much more selflessness than I ever would have guessed and much more than I seem to have at my disposal to dole out. I have these longings--to do so much more, to be so much more--a longing to still be the one being taken care of, instead of the consummate caregiver."

I am the middle mom. I love my girls, but some days I long for freedom. I look forward to them growing up. I don't let my babies sleep with me. I encourage my kids to walk as early as possible (Catie took steps at 9 1/2 months. Lydia, at 10 1/2 months). I wasn't sad when Catie moved into her toddler bed. I imagine that I might have tears in my eyes when they each go off to school, but I'll also know that it's a step in the inevidable direction. I wonder what sports they will play and who their friends will be. I look forward to seeing who they become as young women in college and what career choice they make. I envision what their wedding invitations might look like and what it will be like to see each of them stand up as maids-of-honor at each others weddings. I don't think this makes me a bad mom as long as I also pay attention to the moments of these young days. If you are the first kind of mom, you may understand me as little as I understand you.