Welcome Fall

I love this season. Part of the reason we purchased our house is b/c it is surrounded by trees and when fall comes around we are surrounded by color. (If you want to come enjoy it please stop by.) I love the smells of fall, the food of fall, the festivals of fall. I love the chill in the air and the need to put an extra blanket on my bed. I love seeing my deer again as they come out of the woods into my yard. I love baking apple pies and pumpkin cookies. I love making chili and chicken soup. I even love that winter is on it's way, but that's another post.

My only argument with fall is that it bring memories with it. And not all those memories are good. This year it will have been 8 years since Andrew's death and I still dread that part of fall. September 30 was his birthday. October 22nd was the day of his surgery. November 2 is the day printed on his death certificate. I chose to greive well when he died. I decided that if I had to go through it I was going to do it right. I didn't want any lingering emotions bottled up inside for years to come. I wanted to get it ALL out. That is still true. When I enter into the fall season I have to face that grief again every year, and I'm still choosing to do it well.

A friend posted this recently and I think she phrases it well: "be overtaken by pain". That's the only way to get to the other side. Grief isn't a nice little stream to cross while pulling up your pantlegs. You can't just tiptoe your way through and expect to survive. It's a raging river that runs so deep your head can't stay above. The only way to get to the other side is to be overtaken. Let the river run over you and take you where it wants to go. The end results will always be worth the near drowning. It's got to be better than feeling like you're drowning for the rest of your life. I thank God that He gave me the strength to be overtaken. Which, I think, is another important point. It can't be done without God. Trusting Him to join you in the river, to be the Breath of Life when you can't catch yours. He knows the river. He created it. He can get you through safely and help you get established on the other side.

At times like this, when I am forced to remember that horrible time, I have to remind myself to continue to trust and grieve well. I'm not afraid to talk about Andrew or to remember him. Sometimes I dig out pictures and just sit and think about who he was and remind myself that it's ok to miss him. He was my best friend for years. And on the other side of that grief and those memories are blessings "beyond all we could ask or imagine". I have 4 that live and breath, but SOOOO many more that are not tangible. I have been blessed.

So, Welcome Fall!!! Bring on the goodness and bring on the painful memories b/c I'm trusting God with my pain and my blessings.