reminiscing

Fall is a time of pondering and looking back, for me. It's a time to sit and remember times that once were but can never be again. It's my season to enjoy my hot chocolate on the porch with a good book and some self-reflection.

It may not be fall yet, but the temperatures have lured me to that place of remembering already. Many times. On my mind lately is that there are certain things I can't say. Luxuries given to other wives that I don't have the freedom to speak.
I wish I could've loved just one man for my entire life, but that is not the road God chose for me. And that is not the road I prefer either. Do I seem to be contradicting myself? Let me explain... I WISH I had that luxury of NOT knowing what it is like to love 2 men. I wish Andrew had never died. I wish I could've had his children and lived happily ever after in ignorance about the possibility that God had something different in His perfect plan. I prefer His plan, though. And I prefer the blessed life that He has given me; knowing that I have been loved WELL by two great men is a gift that I am happy to receive.

So, while I am not able to say that my husband is the only man I have ever loved, I will be able to tell my children that their daddy is the man that I love more than anything on earth both now and happily ever after. And some day I will tell them about the other man that I loved once upon a time in a land far, far away.