I have had my share of frustrating comments from people who think they know how to raise my children better than I do. When Catie was little, I was in line at a checkout and she was fussing. I knew it was time for her bottle so I got it out and began to prepare it while James took care of our purchases. The lady in line behind me, thinking she was simply making a funny comment about how chubby Catie was, stated "It doesn't look like she needs that!". I smiled. I might have said something like "yes, she's big." Inside, I was FUMING!!! I wanted to let her have it. Say something like "What would YOU like me to do? Let her starve until she is the size that God intended her to be?"
Then there was the old man who approached my husband FROM BEHIND (and stayed at his shoulder) while we were sitting in church with the girls and suggested VERY RUDELY that we take them to the nursery so that they weren't disturbing others who wanted to listen to the message. We happened to be visitors at this particular church (it was in Virginia, if you're worried that it might be your church). We had kept Catie out of the nursery b/c she was sick. She was on antibiotics and feeling better, but we didn't want her in a strange nursery and having them think we brought a sick kid to contaminate their regulars. When the man spoke to James we were barely 15 minutes into the service and Catie was just beginning to be somewhat disruptive. We hadn't even had a chance to intervene before we were reprimanded. And that's really what it felt like. James did take Catie out to the hallway and while out there, noticed that same man come out a bit later. He confronted him and asked why he was so worried about listening to the service and yet he wasn't in the sanctuary. He made up some excuse. My wonderful husband let the man know our reasons for keeping Catie out of the nursery and he asked why we didn't keep her home. "Because we go to church on Sundays", was his reply. I was so proud of him for knowing the right words and for keeping his cool when he wanted to rip this 65 yr. old ex-military man to shreds!!!
I've also had my share of old ladies in grocery stores commenting on my daughter's lack of shoes/socks/both after having removed them....BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT CHILDREN DO!!!
Well, the most recent run-in was yesterday. The girls and I were out shopping with my sister and her little girl when we decided to head to Panera for lunch. Since it was a fairly nice day, I decided to leave the girls' coats in the car. There was no wind, no snow. The sun was shining. Catie had on a long sleeved shirt and jeans. Lydia had on a long sleeved onesie and a hooded sweatshirt and sweatpants. As I walked in, I heard a lady behind me ask "Where are their coats?" I turned to see a woman in her upper-30's, dressed very stylishly, turning to leave the restaurant (I think it was because of the long line). I made enough eye contact with her to know that she was talking to me. I am not quick on my feet and could only say "In the car." As I watched her and her companion drive away in their expensive SUV, I wanted to go out and shout a few choice words at her. I wanted to know what makes her think that she knows how to care for my girls better than me. What made her think that she knew their comfort level and needs in that weather?
Do these things happen to others? Tell me your story and how you handled the situation. I need to know that I'm not the only one that gets these comments, or I might start to believe there really is something wrong with my parenting skills.
4 comments:
You are not the only one. I've had to be careful about my responses, though, because the people who say things to me are always from MY Church. haha! Throughout the entire summer I would hear on an average of three times a Sunday "where are his shoes?!" I finally just started saying "it's 90 degrees out. They're in the closet where they belong." Sheesh. The one I hate the most is "ohhhh, his fingers are so cold!" As if I can do anything about THAT. I thought they were all just patronizing me because they assume I'm an ignorant single parent, but perhaps not. Must just be an old people thing. ;)
looks like it's just you and me, Jodi. ;) Maybe we should write a book about all the things we do wrong as parents that others have kindly (or not so kindly) pointed out to us. :) Then we would have an opportunity to say all the things we couldn't think to say in the moment when people were criticizing.
and why do shoes matter in the summer, anyway? It's not like he was walking and needed the support. Besides...children SHOULD learn to walk without shoes...it's better for them.
Yup. You're exactly right. Kids aren't supposed to wear shoes until they're at least one - otherwise their feet won't form naturally.
I heard a new one first thing as I walked through the church door this morning and thought of you... ;)
"It's almost too cold for you to be out, isn't it Judah!"
That's what WINTER COATS ARE FOR. Incidentally, this came from the same lady who got after me for not wearing a jacket while I was pregnant because the baby might freeze. I'm serious.
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